So, we've officially been breastfeeding going on shy of 11 months now. It hasn't been a rollercoaster, necessarily; maybe more like a walk with peaks and valleys, days that were natural and easy with others that brought about pain and frustration and a sense of failure.
I'm in the crux of one of those "am I failing?" moments right now. Since writing this last week, I've reverted to "natural and easy" but still thought it would benefit me (and some reading, maybe?) to share my thoughts. :-)
See, there was a time that the little man was "demanding" about 28 - 30 ounces while at the sitter (plus feedings at home, possibly several throughout the night, at about 7+ oz. per feeding) and I could easily pump that much by lunchtime, and then some. I hate stores in the freezer, folks.
Now? It's after 4pm. I have yet to reach tomorrow's full amount, three bags of 4 ounces each. Yes, folks, 12 ounces, and I'm at about half. Plus, I have to try to store up 8 ounces for a sitter to feed him while Dave and I travel for an award ceremony this weekend. That being said, I may not be going, and that just sucks.
Of course, the Hadman is the #1 most important thing on Earth. Of course. But, my supply's slowing down because his demand is less. The fact that we've made it this far in the world o' nursing is miraculous, in my mind. Especially after his teeth came and he started using me (very rarely, but still!) as a chew toy with his razor sharp little grinders. And the day that I must've blown out a blocked duct while pumping only to see a bottle FULL of milk and blood, mixed together. And the early days of soreness and squirting and weird latching and gassiness (on his part) and screaming (on both of our parts). It is a bit of a feat, actually.
But, my goal -- for myself, for my family, for Hadley -- is to make it to one year. If we go past that, AWESOME! But, there will be so much to celebrate on this kid's birthday, it's ridiculous.
Now, it's time for me to go brew some mother's milk tea in this sweltering heat and do some meditating to reduce stress and hopefully pump up the ol' pumping ability. I can see the finish line from here and I'm not giving up.